Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
