I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
