guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize