K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
