i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
