it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
