Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and she was petting her beer can
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
