PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize