my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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