So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
