She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
