After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
