I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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