Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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