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I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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