I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
