I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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