How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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