My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
