you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
