i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
