Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
