New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pants are for mortals
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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