I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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