My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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