Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
