gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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