maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
