I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
that's an acceptable place to lick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
