My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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