im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
