In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
