why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize