Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
