Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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