I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
