This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
