went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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