i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
