nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sarcasm needs its own font
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
