omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
