I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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