She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I will pee on everything he values.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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