READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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