I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
