how can u be prego again
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
