i was born a porn star she said
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
