She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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