I have demons in me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
