I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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