I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
