dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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