fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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