i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
