Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
