Porn is love you can see.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
