This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
