i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
