I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
