Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
