R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
