I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
