i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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