I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize