Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
