When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
