Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
