I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
