btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
