I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
