just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
