she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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