Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
